After nine months of wrestling over naming our firstborn, our daughter, we landed on Kaiya. Simply, Kaiya. One would think such a simple name wouldn't require so many arguments, but this one sure did. I am amazed at how couples can name their children with ease. Andrej and I were still debating right up until the birth. It all started nine months prior to that day, when two pink lines appeared on the stick. After the initial shock and nervous excitement of the moment began to subside the question of all questions arose. A question that we were asked half a million times during the nine months following; what will we name him? Or her? In the midst of our excitement we had no clue. Naming a child isn't an easy task and one we wouldn't take lightly. We concluded that a name could wait, there would be plenty of time for that, and we just relished in the fact that a little person was growing inside of me.
The next day we found ourselves at Barnes and Noble where I was purchasing, What To Expect When You Are Expecting. We each chose a couple of other books and settled in to read a little for free before we checked out and headed home. I, of course, was browsing baby name books. Andrej being Andrej was browsing computer books. As I came across a name I liked I would throw it out and began to soon realize that naming Baby Ciho was going to be harder than I originally imagined, in fact it would be a LOT harder. Every name I suggested Andrej either thought it too strange or not strange enough or my all time favorite that he knew a person by that name and there was no way he would name a child of his after that person.
After an hour or more of dropping options, we settled in on a few that we both liked. If Baby Ciho was a boy our top option was Rory followed closely by Daniel. Andrej refused to even consider a middle name because first of all he doesn't have one and second of all he thought it sounded snobby to have two names. No matter that I myself have a very nice middle name, along with the rest of the American nation. I decided to fight that battle later; after all we were just starting out on this name game. However, in my head the middle name would be James, after my grandfather. Rory James Ciho! That was it!
Baby Girl Ciho proved to be a little harder than Baby Boy. In the girl category, Andrej shot down every single one of my options, and I mean every single one. There would be no Olivia, no Isabella, no Maia, no Natalia, no Elena, no Alena not even Alina. He wouldn't even consider Cadence or Keely. He would however consider Hannah, although we had issues with the spelling (in Slovak it is Hana) and that also led to the consideration of Ana. As we conversed, Andrej brought forth his one and only choice to the table, Kai. He reminded me of our trip to Uzbekistan where I spent most of the two weeks learning about the country and culture with the help of an American girl from Oregon named Kai. She told us her parents were hippies and they named her Kai because it meant sea in Hawaiian. Neither of us had ever heard the name until then and both, at the time, really liked the name. As Andrej reminded me of that name, I began to ponder it as the possible name for our daughter. Kai Elisabeth Ciho! That was it! I knew the middle name conversation would come up again in the months to come, but for now we at least had possible first names.
The count down to the 20 week ultrasound had begun and as soon as we knew for sure if it was a boy or a girl we could finalize the name selection and move on to preparing for baby. However, in those first twenty weeks we grew tired of calling Baby Ciho, Baby Ciho, or the baby or it, so following our parental instincts that we were for sure having a boy we started to refer to the baby as Rory. For months we always referred to Rory this and Rory that, and of course using the pronoun he. We confidently announced to the world that the baby would be named Rory and Kai had long been forgotten. Until February 21, 2005, when the ultrasound technician announced, "It's a girl!" In shock we both looked at her and asked, "Are you sure?" She said that she was 95% sure, but there was always a margin of error with these things. We weren't disappointed by any means that our he was actually a she, but it did take a little time to sink in and let go of Rory. However, it didn't take too long before it hit us hard and filled us both with joy in an incredible way that we were having a daughter. A little girl!
After a quick apology to Baby Girl Ciho for calling her a boy for almost five months we moved on to pink, and ruffles, and ponytails and the name Kai surfaced once again. However, this time it didn't settle so well with me. Since our original conversation I had learned of several Kais, all boys. Also, now that we knew for sure it was a girl I suddenly wanted a really girly name. I wanted Isabella or Olivia or Elena. Andrej wanted Kai. I wanted Natalia or Hannah or Ana. Andrej wanted Kai. I wanted Alena or Mia or Maia or wait…what about Kaia! That was it! The best of both worlds. We could even call her Kai. My heart was set on it.
I was almost nervous as I shared the name with Andrej. I'm sure my voice was shaking because I didn't want to hear the dreaded stamp of refusal. Once Andrej says no to something, it's very very hard to get him to change his mind. If I can at least get a maybe, then there is hope. However, in my nervous state I wasn't thinking and I quickly blurted out, "How about Kaia Grace!" Drats! What was I thinking adding on a middle name? I certainly hadn't won that battle yet. He automatically shot down Grace in a blaze of glory. I brushed it off and asked, "What about Kaia?" He asked how it was spelled. I wrote it out for him. He thought about it quietly for a moment. I wasn't breathing only praying that it would strike a cord with him. It struck a cord alright, followed by a big fat no! Ouch.
I quickly pulled out my next card by offering up that Kaia, spelled Kaja in Slovak, was a nickname for Karolina. Thinking that if I explained that it is a Slovak name he would be more apt to consider it. Clearly that was another mistake judging by the curled up nose and frown on his face. He only knew of one Karolina, and they didn't call her Kaja.
I plowed forward telling him that we could call her Kai and Kaia would only be her formal name. His response was then, "Why name her something we wouldn't call her?" Point taken. Moving on I explained that if we didn't have an "a" on the end of her name we would not be able to decline her name in Slovak. Finally those horrible cases in the Slovak language would work for me and not against me. He thought about that one for a moment, obviously using the two names in various sentences in his head. He finally decided that it didn't really matter if he said "s Kai" or "s Kaiou" so yet another point failed. I was all out of debating material so I dropped the conversation hoping he would just forget about it and I could bring it up again later. Maybe he was just in a disagreeing mood.
A few weeks later, we found ourselves trying out glider chairs in one baby superstore. I was propped up enjoying my $500 option as Andrej was thumbing through a baby name book. We had been through the name book we owned numerous times so I was surprised he was even giving another book a try. After a few moments he, yes Andrej, brought a new option to the table. He suggested Kaili (Kylie). Huh, it had a nice ring to it, plus we could keep our original Kai in the spelling. We rocked and thought and both were pleasantly ok with Kaili.
Weeks passed and I found myself sharing with people that we were considering Kaili, but weren't 100% sure. Truth be told, I wasn't 100% sure. I liked Kaili, but I loved Kaia. I shared with Andrej that I couldn't get excited about Kaili because I really had my heart set on Kaia. We decided to nix Kaili and the Kaia debate continued. However, this time, I had new material.
Growing up, I was called Jessi. My legal name is Jessica, but no one and I mean no one called me that until I went away to college. It was like a fresh start and I could be whoever I wanted to be, and I wanted to be Jessica. Everyone who knows me after that time calls me Jessica and everyone prior to that still calls me Jessi. That's fine. In fact, that is one of my favorite things about my name. I can be Jessica, Jessi, Jess or even as Andrej calls me Jessa. My point to Andrej then was there isn't much you can do with Kai. There is no shortening it or deriving a nickname from it, at least if she were Kaia we had a little room to play. Seeing my desperation he decided to give it some thought. I felt a little glimmer of hope and decided to add one more positive to hopefully send him over the edge, one I would somewhat regret later. I told him that if he would agree to Kaia, I would be fine not giving her a middle name. She would simply be Kaia.
The weeks continued to fly by and my belly continued to expand. We had also developed a nice response to the "name question" that we both doled out often. It went along the lines of, "We have no clue." "Do you have a suggestion?" And, boy did the suggestions come. Some of which I really liked, none of which Andrej liked. My personal favorite was given to us by my Aunt Terri. She suggested Amaiya. Andrej thought it was weird, but I really liked it and the y in the spelling. I thought maybe if I spelled Kaia differently possibly with a y, maybe just maybe Andrej would go for it. By this point we were getting dangerously close to the due date and the joke of bringing home "No Name Ciho" wasn't so funny anymore. I wrote down for him other ways to spell Kaia including Kaya, Kaiya, Kaija, Kaja and told him that I would be willing to spell it anyway he wanted. He asked if I was still willing to forego the middle name if he went with Kaia as well. I agreed. After some thought, he still couldn't get excited about the name.
As my due date came and went I had given up on Kaia. I came to terms with it and had started referring to my precious baby girl as Kai Elisabeth Ciho. It was, after all, the very first name we both agreed upon. I really did like it. Andrej had even agreed to give her a middle name since Kai Ciho sounded a little strange together. Kai Elisabeth was a nice balance. It was different, but not too different. The great debate was settled or was it?
One week and one day after my due date, July 26 to be exact, Baby Girl Ciho finally decided to pull the plug and make her way out of her nice cozy home into the real world. As Andrej barreled through traffic in downtown Grand Rapids and I tried to remember the breathing exercises we learned in our childbirth class, Andrej asked the question once again, "What are we going to name our daughter?" Quite taken back by his question, I responded, "Kai Elisabeth." He asked if I was sure. Of course I wasn't, but at that moment we could have named her just about anything as long as it meant that pain would be over.
Once we arrived at the hopital and were settled in our room and the epidural had been administered, I could actually think and form sentences, so I brought up the conversation Andrej had started in the car. I asked him if he was having second thoughts on naming her Kai Elisabeth. He told me he was, but at the same time wasn't sure Kaia was it either. We decided to write out all of our options, yet again. Andrej scribbled down Kai Elisabeth and Kaia. I had him also add Kaya and Kaiya. I really don't know what it was, maybe all of my prayers answered, but something about Kaiya caught his attention. I was shocked. All of that fuss for months and I only needed to add in a y. We decided to wait and make the final decision after we met our Baby Girl. For all we knew she could look nothing like a Kaiya or a Kai Elisabeth.
The moment finally came. She made her grand entrance at 4:55 pm and had to be immediately whisked away because of complications that surfaced during the final stage of labor. Nurses and doctors went to work on her and she soon let out her first scream and the scary blue color faded. She was beautiful. Andrej held my hand as we watched the professionals attending to her across the room. We could see her little face and hands and toes. Our hearts melted. Andrej then whispered in my ear, "Let's call her Kaiya. She looks like a Kaiya." He then left me to go meet Baby Kaiya face-to-face for the first time. I was beaming. From across the room, I heard our doctor ask Andrej if we had decided on a name. He proudly proclaimed, "Kaiya." She said it was a beautiful name for a beautiful baby. And that it was.
Since then, we learned that Kaiya means forgiveness in Japanese. Rather fitting as we do a lot of that in our household. Andrej and I are both still very happy with the name and I think Kaiya is rather fond of it as well. I only slightly regret not giving her a middle name, but hey we can't have it all. Andrej rarely refers to Kaiya as Kai, which I find humorous since he was so stuck on it for all of those months. I call her Kai way more than he does. And last but not least, I learned a valuable lesson for naming future Ciho children: play around with the spelling as much as possible and be patient, dad will come around.
June 30th, 2006 at 8:38 am
What a beautiful story… thank you for sharing it! (I'm all teary now…)
July 9th, 2006 at 12:33 pm
That was a great story! Thanks for taking the time to write it out and to be so honest about how difficult it can be deciding on a name for your child. I had no idea that her name means forgiveness in Japanese. That's really beautiful. Hope you all are doing well!
July 9th, 2006 at 11:27 pm
This will sound horrible, but there were a few times I had a good chuckle in there…….
May 27th, 2007 at 9:55 am
I think this would make a great movie! :) And Part II would be for Tobias.
August 24th, 2007 at 9:17 pm
I too have a daughter, age 3, named Kaiya. Her middle name is Nicole but I considered Grace as it was my great grandmother's name. Kaiya is my second daughter and I scoured numerous baby name books to no avail until one day, after I had eliminated every name in the A-J section, I came across Kaiya and that was it…No more looking. I instantly loved it. Kaiya is so beautiful, smart and unique, I think the name fits her perfectly. Thank you for sharing Kaiya's wonderful story.
January 5th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Love the story…It is nice to hear your story. My wife is due to have our 3rd child any day and Kaiya is our decision! We choose Kaiya Alana. It took Dad a while to like it as well. But we love it. Like to know if now you regret or have problems with spelling and or to pronounce?
Thank you for some peace of mind on the name…now if we can get my wife to give birth!
February 19th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I had my 3rd child in 2004 and the only name we liked out of the thousands we looked at was Kaiya - she also has the middle name lily they work well together and lily is my grandmothers name, my older daughter is Jessica ( Jess ).
Hope your kaiya continues to bring you the joy that our kaiya brings us - perfect in every way
April 14th, 2008 at 10:08 am
I have a grandaughter born in march of 2008 that is named Kaiya Michlyn. Her daddy was born in Japan and will be delighted that this is a Japanese name meaning forgiveness, since he was responsible for naming her. I happen to love the name.